


It was always you

by MichaelMcM



Category: Shawn Mendes (Musician), niall horan - Fandom, nick jonas - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Boyfriends, Fights, Jealousy, M/M, Sad, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-19 13:00:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22744909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MichaelMcM/pseuds/MichaelMcM
Summary: A night watching a youtube video turns into a heated argument between Shawn Mendes and Niall Horan over a particular Jonas Brother .From Capital Fm " Finish the Lyric" on youtube
Relationships: Shawn Mendes /NiallHoran, Shawn and Camilla, Shiall - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

It started out innocent enough, silly really, Niall was on YouTube and Shawn heard familar voices singing and asked what he was watching. Niall shot a him a curious look but Shawn couldn't discern if he was a little angry or just acting silly, which was usually the case. Shawn looked more intently and could see Naills jaw tense. 

Hoping off the bed and walking just behind Niall, Shawn put his head on his boyfriends shoulder and looked at the screen. And then he saw it, the Jonas brothers playing " Finish the Lyric" on Captial FM. Shawn moved slightly, unintentionally and felt a slight stirring in his stomach. A feeling began to well up, not really understanding what. Well, he knew what it was but he was more concerned about Nialls feelings.

Niall felt Shawn tense up and turned, He shot Shawn a look, really to gage the younger mans reaction. Looking, searching Shawns eyes and wondering what he was thinking, then he saw it, a pink hue spread across his face giving away his discomfort. 

"What's the matter Shawn ?" Niall spoke with a tone dripping with sarcasm or jealously maybe. Shawn had difficulty reading his meaning, was he really jealous or just playing ? Shawn thought they had gotten past this long ago. Then Shawn was jolted back to the computer screen when he heard Nick Jonas quote familar lyrics, his lyrics to his song " Treat you better". Nick was speaking the lyric to his brother to guess, but his brother couldn't place the lyric. Shawn's stomach was in knots now as he could feel Nialls gaze on him. And then he saw Nick smile slyly and say "come on Kevin you love this guy". Then Nick sang the lyric but changed it to "Anyone like you deserves a Shawn Mendes" .

As soon as that line echoed in the bedroom Niall abruptly slammed the laptop closed, jumped out of the chair he angrily spit out. "What's he playing at Shawn ? this is not fucking funny"

Shawn tried to calm the situation and nervously spoke "Come on Niall, it's a radio game, they had no idea what songs they would be asked to guess.....We both played this game when we did the show"

"Yeh , I've played the game but not once did I change the Lyrics to imply what he just did". Niall spat with anger

Nialls voice got harsher and tone more defensive and asked "Does everyone deserve a Shawn Mendes or just Nick Jonas ? Or has he already had one ?" 

Shawn was taken aback by his last remark but let it go, He didn't know what to say, he felt that there was no response that would make Niall feel better. So, he did what he always did when met with anger, he acquiesced and quietly apologized. Not for what Nick Jonas said but for not being good enough.

The problem wasn't really about Nick Jonas, it was about Shawn. Shawn had tried to convince Niall a multitude of times he didnt want anyone else. Shawn was trying to figure this out in his head, why wasnt he good enough to make Naill believe it was only him he wanted ? 

Things escalated as Shawn couldn't convince Naill it was nothing. Shawns head was starting to hurt and he could feel himself get more anxious and found himself getting lost in his thoughts. Something that often happened when he felt the need to protect himself, He thought if he got quiet, small, maybe it would all go away. But it wasnt going away, Niall wasnt letting it go. He was attacking and the more he did the smaller and quieter Shawn got. Shawns lack of talking was making Niall mad but shawn couldn't do this again. And that's when Shawn heard Niall say it. "Are you fucking him ?" 

The accusation was violent and hit Shawn like a truck. His heart sank and he felt sick. His anxiety began to swell and then he started to feel dirty. Why would Niall think he would do this ? He didnt know what to do with this hurt but felt his body start to overheat. Shawn never liked to fight and often pushed his feelings down to make others happy. And again his default went to that place. But now he felt broken and hung his head as tears escaped. As he stood there, quietly wiping the tears away, head still looking at the ground, he sighed with defeat and sadly whispered. "Niall I....I would never do that, I could never ...I love you, it hurts sometimes how much"

As soon as Niall's said it he regretted it, he hated himself, he knew Shawn, and it was antithetical to his nature. And knew Shawn would rather cause harm to himself than ever hurt him. And now he was standing here intentionally hurting Shawn, causing emotional damage. He knew it was jealousy and he needed to learn to control it.

Niall rushed to Shawn, wrapped his arms around the distraught younger boy, trying not only to wipe away his tears but the emotional wreckage he just caused.

"I'm so very sorry Shawnie, I can't seem to control myself when it comes to that guy and the way he obviously wants you....I keep thinking back to that Grammy after-party where he was all over you...and then asked you to back to his place". 

Shawn, still hurting from the accusation gently returned the hug from the Irishman. The pain still tearing at him, but he pushed it down because he knew Niall didnt mean it. After a few seconds he breathed. "Niall, I dont know how to make you feel better about this, but I'm sorry it makes you feel this way, I'm.sorry I'm not better."

Niall's heart sank when he heard Shawn speak, he became quiet and needed Shawn to know how much he meant to him. " Please dont ever feel that. You don't need to apologize, you never needed to apologize. What I said was awful and I know it's my jealousy....You could have anyone you want ....I see the way people look at you, lust after you". Nialls tone became softer and unassured and he quietly reflected. "Sometimes I wonder why you chose me ?"

Shawn broke from their embrace and tenderly brought his hands up and held Nialls face and lovingly kissed him. After letting go of their kiss Shawn looked squarely into Nialls eyes so Niall could see and understand what he was about to say. "Listen to me Niall Horan, I didnt choose you, you're not a consolation prize...it was always you, I had no way of stopping that. The first time I saw you on TV I was hooked, and then the first time we met I knew I was in trouble because I could think of nobody else" Shawn's voice then became lower and tinged with uncertainty and whispered "I was surprised you even liked me or wanted me ".

Niall just starred deep into Shawn's eyes, surprised still at how insecure this beautiful boy was and just shook his head " How do you not know how special you are, you're beautiful, achingly so...its sometimes takes my breath away when I look at you"

Shawn hung his head in sadness, his voice quiet "Dont make fun of me, its not nice" 

Niall lifted Shawn's chin and tilted it up so he could look directly into his eyes. Thats when Niall finally realised, Shawn never believed he was good enough, worth enough, and Nialls heart hurt for Shawn. 

"Oh Shawnie, what goes on in that pretty head of yours ? how can you not see what the world sees? you're so kind, lovely and it's just s fact you're gorgeous "

Shawn squirmed uncomfortably, he always had difficulty taking compliments, often feeling like they were disingenuous and that people were just being nice and not really meaning what they said. And truth be told often waged a war inside his head, feelings of self-hatred taking control. It's why he put everything into his music, he thought if he could be good at music then people would not notice that he often felt like a nobody. 

Shawn looked into Nialls eyes and gently smiled, still unsure and not as confident as he'd like. But he brought his mouth to Nialls ear and breathed "Niall, I couldn't imagine me without you....please don't be mad at me anymore ?"

Shawn's words twisted in Nialls stomach, he felt guilty for doing this to him. As they embraced Niall made shawn aware. " You have nothing to be sorry about and I could never be mad at you ...I love you too much."

"How much ? "Shawn questioned tentatively.

"Theres not a big enough number " Niall whispered lovingly

"Good" Shawn let fall from his mouth. Then he squeezed Niall tighter and tenderly kissed him. 


	2. On with the show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its been awhile since the night of their fight about Nick Jonas. And now Niall and Shawn come face to face a year later as they're sat with Nick and his new wife and Shawns old girlfriend Camilla at an award ceremony. And the show goes on

Shawn grabs Niall's tailored suit sleeve and leads him to their assigned table, its bit of a maze and the chatter is loud. Niall groans as Shawn doesn't realise how tall he is, which means his strides are almost twice his own. But especially when Niall's focus is somewhere else. 

"Babe wait, I just want to say hello to Julia". Niall then turns toward that direction. Shawn again reaches out and changes his trajectory. 

"Niall we just had drinks with her and J.P. not 2 hours ago, you know its an award show not an Irish pub right". 

Quickly stopping then turning to face Shawn, Niall looks up into his eyes. 

"You're going to be the death of me Mendes, you and your bloody schedules" 

Shawn huffs out a breath and delicately wipes at Nialls silk lapels. 

"Listen Horan if it wasn't for me we'd be late for everything". 

But then quiets himself, takes another breath and smiles, his full face smile that shows off his dimples. 

Niall rolls his eyes then sulks out a groan. 

"You"re doing that on purpose Shawnie, because you know I can't say no when you have that stupid grin on your face". 

Shawn knowingly winks at his boyfriend and whispers. 

"Its my superpower and i'll use it whenever I feel necessary" 

Niall moans again and then shakes his head. Shawn wins and grabs Nialls hand and directs him to their table, close to the stage. Lifting the name tags off the table Shawn smirks. 

"Look Niall" . 

And beams as he holds up the two name cards for effect . 

"were sat together" 

Niall sarcastically rolls his eyes. 

"I refused to laugh at your pathetic excuse of a joke". 

But his heart is busting with love for the younger boy. Secretly he enjoys his dry sense of humour. Of course he'd never tell Shawn as he feels the boy has been blessed with too many talents and refuses to acknowledge another. 

Niall stares at the empty table then gazes back at Shawn. 

"Were the first people here, how embarrassing ". 

Shawn playfully whacks Nialls shoulder. 

"It's not embarrassing Niall, it common courtesy. The invitation said 7 pm and its 6:55pm, so sit down and we'll order drinks, but not too many, you get a bit handsy." 

Niall spits out a laugh then leans into Shawns ear and speaks quietly. 

"I was never handsy until I met you". 

Shawn turns to look into Nialls blue eyes and a pink hue spreads across his cheeks. Shawn lifts his hand and gently intertwines his fingers with Nialls. They don't speak, they Don't have to and then they sit in unison. 

"Hey sweetheart" camilla yells out as she hugs Shawn from behind. He grabs her hand and gently kisses it as he stands up to hug his former girlfriend. As they slowly release from their embrace Niall watches as there is a silent moment between the former lovers. Hes not jealous, perse, but he wonders if Shawn misses Camilla. He's never asked him, he doesn't really want to know. Keep the past in the past he thinks. And he likes Camila, she's been so supportive of them. It took some time of course, but she knew it was the right thing ending her and Shawns relationship. But he also knows they have feelings for each other. 

His jealousy is starting to surface but he's pushing it down. Shawn has never hurt him. He stands and gives her a hug. 

"You look so pretty Camila" 

Niall admits. And he knows she looks more than pretty, she's looking gorgeous. He can see why Shawn liked her. 

"Niall, always the gentleman" 

she giggles out. There is a quick glance between them, an unspoken acknowledgement, they both love Shawn. 

Camilla introduces her current friend. A music producer named Marcus. Coincidentally he looks similar to Shawn. Tall, well built, olive skin, brown curly hair. Niall thinks it doesn't take a psychologist to figure this out. But he shakes his hand as does Shawn. They're at the same table. But its not awkward. Like Shawn, Camilla is a gentle soul and lets the past be the past. 

Drinks arrive and the group of four are laughing and gossiping about the industry and basking in the joy of the night. Niall is enjoying himself, he occasionally steals a glance at Shawn when the Canadian is not looking. Sometimes, he cant believe they are together. Both had never been with guys before, but it was like they were on a collision course that couldn't be stopped. Its been over a year now and there are still times when Shawn looks at him with that gentle smile that just breaks Niall. He's never loved someone so much. I mean he's loved people but he's never experienced how one look from Shawn could bring him to his knees. 

He feels shawns hand on the back of his neck and he snaps out of his thought. Back into reality of the group discussion. 

camila interrupts .

"Who are the other guests, there are 2 more places cards beside you Shawn" 

Shawn reaches with his long arm and sweeps the cards up and looks.  
His demeanour changes and his shoulders slump slightly. He immediately feels the anxiety swell and gets lost in thought. Niall playfully laughs, then taps Shawn on the shoulder. 

"Come on Shawnie who is it ". 

Shawn can hear his table mates voices and his eyes land on Niall, but he doesn't speak, he quietly stares at the Irishman. He tries to say something but all that escapes is. 

"Umm". 

He then turns to Camilla and then back to Niall. He feels confused. 

Niall is unsure what is going on but reaches for the cards and takes them out of Shawns hands. He quickly looks. The shock hits him and instinctively he looks back at Shawn. Shawn lowers his eyes and bites his lower lip. 

"Niall, come on, who is it, why are you and Shawn being so secretive." camilla asks. 

"Nick Jonas and his wife " Niall states emotionless. Then tosses the name cards back. 

"Oh, cool, I like Nick, he's fun". 

camila states. 

"I've never met Priyanka, has anyone met her ". 

"No" shawn finally stutters out. "I don't think I have". Then he turns to look at Niall, hoping everything is going to be okay. 

Nialls mind is in overdrive. The last time they interacted was at the Grammy party last year and Nick was hitting on Shawn, touching his body. That fucker he thought. He knew he and Shawn had just started dating and still he tried that shit. Niall kept telling himself to breath, calm down, control your jealousy. Shawn loves you and you dont want a repeat of the last time you and Shawn fought about Nick. Where you accused him of fucking the Jonas brother. 

Niall looks at Shawn and gives a faint smile, trying to keep it together. Shawn brings a hand to Nialls cheek then gently caresses him and quietly asks. 

"Are we good" 

Niall places his hand ontop of Shawns and lovingly kisses it. 

"Yes baby, were good". 

About 15 minutes pass before the Jonas's arrive at the table. Niall sees them standing there, looking beautiful. The group stands to greet the newly married couple. Niall studies Nicks face as hes exchanging pleasantries with the others. Nothing is displayed that gives anything away, no discomfort, no acknowledgement of last years interaction. Then he sees Nick turn to Shawn, they've known each other longer than he and Shawn. They have a history, they have chemistry and Niall hates it. 

Nick turns to hug Shawn and Shawn doesn't stop him. It would be rude and Nialls come understand that Shawn is not programed to ever be rude. It goes against everything he was taught and its not in his nature. Niall is counting the length of the hug, its longer than it needs to be, then suddenly Nick lets go then directs his attention to Niall and puts his hand out to shake. Niall has a decision to make, but Shawns goodness has rubbed off on him and without thinking he Shakes Nicks Hand . 

"Guys i'd like you to meet Priyanka" 

As she steps forward, Niall acknowledgedes to himself she's quite stunning. She smiles and nods to everyone. 

Camilla immediately gives her a hug and comments. 

"Omg that dress is beautiful and your hair is just amazing". 

"Thank you" 

Shawn turns to give her a quick hug.  
Niall watches the interaction. Its awkward he thinks. Not on Shawn's part, but Priyanka seems uncomfortable. When they quicky release from the hug she smiles and looks down. She then whispers 

"I've heard so much about you Shawn" 

"Oh...all good I hope". Shawn nervously says the shoots a quick look at Niall. 

Niall can see it written on her face, he's good at reading people. She's being kind and interested, but there is something hidden just under the surface. He's noticed the quick glance back to Nick and then back to Shawn. And Nick just looked down. 

The group sits and Niall quietly takes in the scene unfolding before him. He's wondering what is going on exactly. No one else can tell because they are aren't skeptical by nature, but Niall has become a student of human nature. But his mind is also dealing with another problem, Nick Jonas took the seat beside Shawn. "Fuck" he quietly breathed under his breadth, but Camilla picked up on it and instinctively caressed his knee. She looked into his eyes and Niall realised she was aware of the tension, like she had her own issues with Nick and Shawn. 

Niall is not sure he can manage the emotions that are swirling around, but what really scares him is that he knows if Nick does anything or touches Shawn it'll be the last thing he does. He'll start punching and only stop when he's pulled off. 

Grabbing his pint of beer Niall takes a swig and leans in closer to his boyfriend. Shawn instinctively reaches for Nialls hand and caresses it but keeps his eyes straight ahead. Niall is well aware of what this means, its Shawns way of letting Niall know that he needs to stop. Shawn has let Niall know on several occasions that he doesn't need or want anyone to protect him and in fact he is more than capable of taking care of any situation. And Niall knows it, if he's honest he knows Shawn could crush him, his size and power alone is obvious. And moving in closer does feel like he letting people know Shawns his property, and he doesn't want to be that person. He settles back and hopes for the best.

The curtains open and the show begins......


	3. The Showdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn and Nick come face to face and their past is revealed. Niall overhears it all and is unsure and surprised by who Shawn is.

Half way through the ceremony Shawn wins favourite male artist and after his speech heads to the press room. Niall hates these parts of awards shows as it can take some time for him to come back depending on the set up. He also hates small talk and by nature is quite reserved and grumpy. Except when he's with Shawn, he's in his head now, thinking about him, how he makes him feel, how he wants to be a better person for his boy. Thats when he hears the Jonas brothers name called , best group or something. Niall shakes out of his thought and watches Nick go and accept the award on their behalf. A pit now forms in Nialls stomach as Shawn and Nick will inevitably cross paths, alone backstage and without Niall. 

Its fine, he keeps telling himself. But he's always had a gnawing feeling there was more to Shawn and Nicks relationship. Shawn assured him that there has never been anything, but Shawn has a tell when he's truly holding something back, not a lie per se, but information that he thinks may cause an issue. He does not get red or look away or anything you'd expecxt. Its something small Niall picked up on. At first he wasnt sure but would intentionally ask him uncomfortable questions, such as did he like a particular person who he knew Shawn would never like. And Shawn being diplomatic to a fault would reach up to touch and play with his St. Christopher medal necklace that he rarely took off. It was almost like he was touching it to remind himself to be good and would say. 

"I dont know them well enough". 

Niall would just smile and nod. He thinks to himself; Shawn has his superpower and I have mine. Of course he never truly asked Shawn about Nick, he accepted what Shawn said about their relationship at face value. He heard the rumours about them and Shawn explained they were only friends and so Niall believed him, but still there is a feeling Niall just can't seem to shake. And logically he knows Nick is at least 5 years older than Shawn, so nothing could have happened. But still, the few times Nick's name has been brought up Shawns hand immediately found its way to the medal around his neck. And then there is Nick, there is a look he sees in Nicks eyes when he stares at Shawn. Its obvious, he can tell Nick desires him. "Stop it" he tells himself, shawn is not an object , he doesn't belong to anyone. He gets up from the table, he tells himself its to use the toilet, but thats a lie. He has a need to find Shawn. 

Now back stage he sees the pressroom and he can just make out Nick talking. Turning to see if he can locate Shawn, he notices another artist room and walks that way. After entering he relises no one is here, as he's about to leave he hears Nicks voice asking something in the hall. 

"Shawn, wait can we talk" 

definately his voice Niall thinks. 

Now trapped, Niall hears voices outside the greenroom get louder.  
He can now make out Shawn talking . 

" Its not a good idea Nick". Shawn argues. 

"Please Shawn, just here in the green room" Nick begs. 

"Fuck" Niall thinks , he looks around and he quickly hides in a closet. This is stupid, why is he hiding, he asks himself. 

He hears Shawn agree but his voice seems annoyed. 

Then the greenroom door shuts and the voices are louder, they are close and Nialls heart is beating fast. 

"Okay Nick" Shawn draws out. "What is it" 

"Youre still mad about last year" Nick questions. 

"Jesus Nick, what do you want from me". 

Niall detects the exasperation in Shawns voice. 

"You know what i want , what ive always wanted, i miss you." Nick voices. 

"Fuck you Nick, not this again" 

Niall rarely has heard the boy like this. He was genuinely angry. Niall wanted to open the door to check if he was alright. But didn't want him to think he didn't trust him and he also felt shame for eaves dropping. 

He can hear them arguing now, Niall is confused. 

"Please Shawn, im going crazy" 

"Niall hears some jostling then a bang. He ever so gently opens the door and peeks and can see that Shawn seems to have pushed Nick up against the wall. Shawn looks like he's about to crush Nick. Then he hears Shawn speak again. This time his voice is low but comanding. 

"Listen to me Nick, for the last couple of years you've been harrassing me and i've brushed it off because you were usally drunk or high. I've Pretended it was nothing, but its wasn't. All those times you tried to force yourself on me, grab at my body, i let it go, but last time you did it in front of Niall. And i realised then and there you knew exactly what you were doing. So let me make myself clear, touch me, say anthing to me or especially to Niall and i'll fucking beat you senseless. Do you understand". 

At this point Niall notices Shawn move closer into Nicks personal space, towering over the Jonas brother and looking menacing. He could detect a rage in Shawn he'd never noticed before. 

"I mean it Nick, Dont fuck with me" 

Niall just makes out Nick push Shawn off him, his face etched with a smirk . 

You haven't told Niall about us have you Shawn" 

"There's never been an us Nick". Shawn spits. 

"Oh come now Shawn , are you forgetting your 18th birthday and how you ended up at my hotel room" 

Niall couldn't see their faces but could feel the tension. Shawn was quiet now and not talking. Niall was unsure what was happening. Thrn he heard Shawn speak, his voice was quiet and unsure. 

"I was drunk and you took advantage". 

Sadness in Shawn's voice echoed in the room. 

"I just wanted to talk and you touched me and pressured me, i kept saying no....and i...why wouldn't stop." 

"Please Mendes you didn't put up much of a fight when i was on my knees giving you head" 

I didnt want that Nick, i froze and didn't know what to do" 

"There was no force, you could have left anytime, but you didn't" 

Nialls head was spinning, he could feel his anger boil, that prick took advantage of him and Shawn didn't know what to do. Niall was about to come out swinging but he heard a thud then a crash and could hear what sounded like several punches. 

Peeking through the small crack of the open door he could just make out Shawn punching Nick and blood forming around Nicks mouth. Nick was trying to protect himself but Shawn was so much bigger and his strength fueled by a deep seeded anger. 

Then he heard silence and then Shawn's voice. 

"Listen to me now Nick, i've felt shame and fear for the last couple of years but that stops now". 

Then Niall witnesses shawn grab Nick by the hair and slam his head. He then see his boy move so close it looks like they are about to kiss. And hears Shawn warn Nick. 

"Im through with this game you've been playing with me, people keep mistaking my kindness, i'll fucking kill you next time". 

He watches Shawn stand and then stare down at Nicks bloody face, he sees shawn reach in his pocket and grab his pocket sqare, then throws it at Nick. 

"Clean yourself up, you're pathetic." 

Then Niall can just make out Shawn walk to the door, he straightens his hair and adjusts his suit, smoothing out the wrinkles. But before he leaves he turns and looks back at Nick who's now getting up off the floor. Then hears him speak.

"I'm not that 18 year old scared kid anymore, and if i'm not being clear that's a warning". Before he leaves Niall notices a look on Shawns face like he's contemplating something but then the look fades and he walks out of the room. 

Niall is trying to figure this all out. But remebers he needs to keep quiet so Nick doesn't hear him. He hides for the next couple minutes before he hears Nick leave. Niall wonder's how Nick will hide the bruies that should be forming on his face. 

Niall makes his way out of the greenroom to find Shawn, he's concerned now that the nights events would be too much for Shawn. He can sometimes get overwhelmed and stress can often cause anxiety. He hurridly makes his way back to his seat to find Shawn sitting and laughing with Camila amd her date. He looks on at his boyfriend but see's no distress or anything that would give away the nights events. In fact he is glowing like always. He has a natural beauty that elicites jealousy in people until they meet him and he disarms them with his goodness. Niall is confused now and slowly walks up to the table. He notices Nick and his wife are nowhere to be seen. Arriving at the table Niall's hand finds Shawns back and rubs gently and then asks the table. 

"Where are the Jonas's". 

Shawn turns to Niall and smiles lovingly. 

"Not sure, Priyanka recieved a text from Nick and excused herself" 

"Will they be coming back" . Niall wondered. 

He watched Shawn reach for his St. Christopher medal and gently rub it and then looked back at Niall. 

'No, i think they've had enough for the night". 

Niall quietly stared at Shawn and then at his boyfriends hand, which gave away a slight bruise, then sat beside him and tried to enjoy the rest of the night. 

As they settled in the back of their SUV on the way home they sat in silence for a bit. Niall didn't know exactly what to say. It was like he didn't know the boy sat next him. There was now a part of Shawn that kind of frightened him. Not like Shawn would ever hurt him, but that Shawn has a part of his life that he keeps from Niall, hidden and buried. While he was untangling this in his mind he heard the window divider close between them and their driver. 

"I know you were there, in the greenroom, watching" Shawn whispered in a low and scared voice. His head staring strait ahead avoiding looking at Niall. 

Niall snapped out of his thoughts and quickly turned his head to look at Shawn . 

"What, how ?" Niall stuttered out. 

"As i was leaving, I saw your reflection on the wall mirror before i left the room....Do you hate me" Shawn asked still not looking at Niall. 

"Hate you ? What, i wanted to kill him for what he did to you and i hated myself for spying on you" 

Finally turning to look and holding in emotion. 

"I'm sorry i never told you, but i was ashamed and didn't how too and i thought you leave me if you knew i had been with him". 

"Shawnie, jesus i would never and you didn't do anything wrong, he was the one that did wrong" 

"He was right Niall, i didn't stop him, but i didn't know how too and just let him do it". Shawn immediately hung his head. 

Grabbing Shawn's face lifting it up to look at his boy. 

"Shawnie, listen to me, i couln't love you more than i do now and i understand why you kept all this hidden. My jealously sometimes gets out of hand. And if I wasn't so intense about it all the time maybe you would have felt safer to tell me" 

They sat their silent for a bit, Niall sweetly wiping a tear off Shawn's cheek. 

Niall coughed out. 

"I thought i needed to protect you, but you don't need my protection. You did scared me a bit back there Shawn. I didn't know how far you would have gone". 

Shawn looked down, then back into Nialls eyes. A small smile formed on his lips and as he gently breaks free from Niall grasp, he brushes a curl out of his eyes and looks straight ahead and emotionless. 

"To be honest, I'm not sure how far i would have gone either. I felt this surge in my body as i was punching him. I could feel myself losing control and in that moment i realised if i didn't stop I would of...." Shawn stopped speaking and was silent for a few seconds with a contemplative look carved on his face. His expression quickly returned to normal and he gave a small gentle smile and stated. "I know one thing for sure, no one will ever have power over me again." 

Silence again echoed in the SUV and Shawn turned toward Niall who seemed to be processing the last statemrnt. 

"Do I still scare you Niall " 

"No Shawnie, just a new piece of information i never had before" 

"Good, because i love you so much...i could never hurt you". 

"I know baby, lets go home".


End file.
